Today I had a cleaning at the Dentist. I knew that I would have to update my paperwork, and inevitably this means updating medication, and pregnancy information. They only had me fill out 5 update questions, and the last one was “pregnancy- yes or no”? So I checked yes, and handed it back to the front desk lady. She proceeded to read over my 5 questions, and when she hit the bottom one she looked up at me with pure excitement and exclaimed ” OH! CONGRATULATIONS! When are you due?!”.
It took everything (EVERY. THING.) I had inside of me to smile and tell her 4/5/17.
When I got back to the exam room, the hygienist went over my paper work…again…and she did the same thing. “SQUEEE!!! WHEN ARE YOU DUE! CONGRATS!”… Again, I answered and smiled.
She proceeded to talk to me and asked about my children, which I knew was coming obviously. I answered her, and told her about Kenley. I talked about Kenley like she deserves to be talked about. I spoke of her, and Landon, and the new baby.
My gums were super sore during the cleaning (thanks pregnancy hormones…), but it was finally over. She told me to sit tight and the Dentist would be in to talk to me. Well, during the 5 second wait, a new hygienist (who I hadn’t seen at all) came in and read my chart AGAIN.
I bet you can’t guess what happened.
Then she starts talking to me about a procedure that will cost like $500-1,000 and isn’t covered by insurance (assuming she was just making convo) and said I should totally have it done. And…that’s when I couldn’t take it anymore. She had squee’d FAR too much for me. So, I straight up told her ” I would love to have that done, but I just simply cannot afford it. We did IVF this summer and now I’m nearly $23,000 in debt. I just don’t have the money, but thanks for the offer”.
She gasped at the cost (YEP. ME TOO, LADY, EVERY TIME I PAY THE BILL) and told me how sorry she was that Kenley died and we had to do IVF etc etc.
Then it came time to schedule my next cleaning, in 6 months…
Right when this baby will be due.
I had to tell them I would call them to set it up, and I pretty much ran out of the office holding back tears.
I’m sorry hygienist lady, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to “bring that cute baby in for all of you to see!” because I can’t guarantee that she will fucking live.
IT HAPPENS. BABIES DIE.
So please for the love of god, just stop talking to me about it, and let me leave your office with my new toothbrush and sample toothpaste. PLEASE.
Our Sweet K. 
I’m so sorry you had to go through, and experience something like this. It gets really hard, and hurtful when someone tugs on something so dear and personal to you. I wish you the best, and again my condolences.
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Thank you so much for your kind words 💜💙
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Of course 😌
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Wow. Amazing post. It rings true for so many of us. Even the most “normal” of activities become excruciatingly painful when you’ve lost a child. I don’t know if I would have had the strength to even check that box. Sometimes I don’t even want to open that conversation…it’s too painful. Good for you for making it through this trip. Awful.
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I only checked it because I knew they were going to want X-rays. And I was right. But, we just did a cleaning and nothing more.
I understand the not wanting to open up that convo thing- it never ends well. It’s always the same outcome for us- sadness. I feel joy talking about Kenley, but I just really fucking miss her. Thank you so much for your support. Life after loss is literally a winding road in the dark during a monsoon, and it just so happens to be foggy and your tires are shitty. That’s how it feels. Like I could just lose it at any given time. (((Hugs)))
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I have a dental appointment tomorrow and I am dreading all of these conversations… I really wish my OB also was a dentist so she could clean my teeth. Lol.
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YES! This should be a new job. A one stop stop for mothers who lost their child. OB/Dentist/MD/Therapist/grocery store/etc. lol I hope it goes well for you! Let me know😘
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Hahaha, yes!
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I haven’t even bothered going to the dentist, even though it’s still free, because I can’t deal with it. I was meant to have work done the week after Leo died. Think I’ll leave it a good decade or so! Much love xx
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Yes! I think the work can wait until you are ready!! I am so happy that it was just a cleaning, and not actual dental work. I think I would have just lost it if I had to be there longer.
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I went to the dentist four weeks after my loss. I called in advance to tell them not to tell me congratulations. It was horrible. Hang in there.
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Ugh. I’m sorry you had to do that. How fucking awful. (((HUGS))) friend.
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This makes me hate dentists even more! I’m so sorry it turned so traumatic for you. I’m proud of you for speaking up though! ((hugs)) 💕
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Thank you! I was more just like taken by surprise at how many people were so freaking excited for me, when they don’t even KNOW me…you know?
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I think pregnancy is just always taken as such a happy thing. That sounds terrible because it is a good thing but you never know the circumstances behind anyone’s pregnancy! Yeah I would have assumed a simple congratulations would come from a stranger but it sounds like they all threw you mini parties 👎🏼 not cool people, not cool.
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Your meme made me laugh so hard, I feel like that all the time. I politely smile, meanwhile, in my head I’m trying to figure out how I can quickly end the conversation and escape. The squeals when people find out you are pregnant and in your head all you can think is yea this is all well and good as long as my baby doesn’t die again (I know I can’t be alone in thinking this). Luckily, my last dentist appointment was in April and the hygienist asked, but in a gentle way. She had said she remembered I was pregnant but that she could tell things didn’t go well. She told me she didn’t want to not acknowledge it and that she would pray for me and that was it, not a peep from anyone else. My next appointment is November which just may get canceled and rescheduled for next April!
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I’m glad you liked my meme! I saw it and was like oh yeah- that’s PERFECT!! Exactly what you said is how I feel, and I’m pretty sure all of us loss moms can relate to that. We don’t know for sure if these rainbows were carrying are going to survive. We want to believe that, obviously, but we wanted to believe it the first time too.., and we see where that got us. Cancel all the appointments!!! 🙂
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What a tough day. Some days just suck along with the people who are part of that day. You handled yourself with grace and honesty and that is a huge accomplishment. Don’t give that place a second thought or at least for the next 6 months!
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Thank you! I had to bite my tongue so hard, but I think I handled it pretty well all things considered!
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Ugh!! I dreaded my eye and dentist appointments…I was determined to still go, and it was awful! So many questions. Glad it’s over for you and maybe they will think twice next time they ask someone personal questions about their pregnancy.
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I understand why most of the population thinks it’s okay to congratulate someone on a pregnancy, but man…Now, it’s not okay. It’s painful. It’s just none of their business! I knew that someone would say something to me when I was there so I was prepared for it.
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I’m so sorry you had to go through this with so many different people. It’s hard enough explaining to one person never mind 3!! I completely get why you felt like screaming at them. People just don’t get that just because you are pregnant you feel emotions you never knew existed and can’t guarantee anything. Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx
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the picture part made me laugh, that scream and want to run feeling inside, but calm on the outside!
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