lately.

Wow. Where to start…

Lots has been going on, and I have been pretty MIA here except for a few random posts about how much my grief is taking ahold of me. So to jump right in to the updates…

We sold our house. We close on the 28th of September, and need to be out by October 3rd. We are moving in with my in-laws and living there while we build a home! We will be there for nearly 9 months, which is super intimidating, but you know what?… it’s fine and everything will work out. We are building with Schumacher homes and I cannot wait to get our forever home built and get us moved in. Today is our lot walk with the builder, and of course it’s pouring rain…I’m not sure if were still having it or not. Guess we will see!

Although the thought of moving out of this house really fills my heart with some sadness, I know that we will have many more memories in the new home. I can’t help but think of all the memories here…Landon was just 4 months old when we moved in. He first rolled over here, he took his first steps here. Yes those memories come with me, blah blah blah, but this house has seen it all. Literally. SO many things, good and bad, have happened here and it’s just hard to think about leaving for the last time and never getting to come back to the space where all these things happened.

Kenley’s nursery was constructed with such love and care. Walking in there every night and rocking her while she was safe in my belly filled me with so much hope and love, and then she was taken from us and her room became off limits. I remember the smell when I first went in there after having it closed off for so long…it smelled cold and sterile. Then, it became Kenley and Alden’s room slowly but surely. Now somehow it has become a room full of love again. I never EVER thought that would happen, but it did. Thinking about leaving that room automatically brings tears to my eyes and I cannot think about it with out feeling sick to my stomach.

It’s just going to be really really hard.

In other news, Landon has mono. He was feeling sick three weeks ago, and we took him for a strep test. They said it came back negative. They sent it out to be tested farther, and on Sunday they called to tell me that it was IN FACT positive. So, he had gone to school, football practice etc and had mono. Ugh. I feel so bad for him. He’s been working so hard at football during the summer, and has only played one game! Now, he’s pretty much out for the entire season. I hope that he will be able to play maybe one more game, but I really doubt it. We have to have blood work drawn again in a week to make sure that the mono is gone.

Also, I went to Chicago last weekend (alone!)! I met up with 4 women who I have been talking with since spring of 2016. They, unfortunately, know the sadness of baby loss. It felt SO normal, and I cannot believe how well we all got along. It was such an enjoyable time! We spent time talking about our lives, just like our daily texts and we also spent some quality time talking about our babies. It felt SO good to do that face to face instead of over text.

Shane’s birthday is tomorrow! I haven’t gotten him a gift and I’m pretty sure I won’t. We haven’t really done gifts in a while, so I don’t think this is a good time to start 🙂

I’m trying to create Kenley’s care packages this December too, but it’s not going too well… The donations are slow this year, and thats probably because I’m not pressing the donations like I was last year. I feel like I’m letting her down, but I am stretched so thin currently…If I can ramp up some donations I think it might be possible to get a couple boxes donated.

Life has been hectic. Crazy busy. Sad. Happy. All the emotions.

 

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