Month: June 2016

adulting. 

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Yep. Fuck it. 

I am seriously sick and tired of being an adult. This shit is the worst. No one told me this was even a possibility in life; you don’t think about this shit. You don’t think your daughter is going to die. It shouldn’t happen. 

In school you’re taught “if you touch a boy, YOU WILL GET PREGNANT“. 

Where are the lessons on “sorry you’ve been trying for 2 years—you’re probably infertile”, or “what’s that? You’re financially stable and you WANT a child–well too bad”. 

Or my personal favorite- “let’s give you everything you have worked so fucking hard for, and then rip it away from you before it’s officially yours“. 

Where are the lessons on how fucked up life can really be. The reality lesson. 

I’m just so done being an adult right now. 

Fuck.ing.DONE. 

Is today over yet? 

10:32

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Today was another Tuesday. 

One more week has passed without her in my arms. 

Tonight was the first Tuesday in 22 weeks that I didn’t look at the clock and wait for it to say 10:32. 

I forgot. 

I didn’t do it. 

It slipped my mind. 

I don’t know what that means, but the realization made me feel like shit. It made me feel so incredibly guilty that I lost out on that special time; the exact moment she was born asleep.

I don’t want to forget her. 

I know I never will, but times like this make it so painfully obvious that life is moving forward and there is not a god damn thing I can do about it. 

I’m gonna go ahead and give a big “fuck you” to the universe.