Landon is all boy. 

He stayed with his cousin at my mother in laws last night. Whenever he stays there, and she calls me I freak out. Last night around 5:30 we were finishing up a show and she called me. Panic set it because she only ever calls with bad news when he’s there (like the time he ripped his ear lobe open…or had a big time fever). 

She starts with “everything is ok now” (oh good. Lol) and proceeded to tell me that Landon and Madison were outside walking through the woods when he found a log with holes in it…and kicked it. It was housing a yellow jackets nest! 

He got stung three times on his legs, but he’s perfectly fine. Seriously, kid! So she asked him to if he wanted to come home and he said no, he wanted to call me and tell me he got stung instead. 

My father in law is on vacation this week so they all woke up this morning and went to Ohio Caverns. I’m sure the kids will think it’s amazing and come home with some cool rocks. 

I figured I’d be able to sleep in this morning, relax and lay in bed. Nope. My progesterone shipment required a signature…wtf. So I was up at 8. Oh well, I ate breakfast in complete silence and watched some tv. 

I decided I wanted a pedicure, so here I am! Sitting at the salon and all I can notice is the mother/daughter couples coming in. Someday I hope to have a living daughter, but it just makes me sad. It makes me miss her even more at times like these. Also it doesn’t help that inevitably ONE of the salon techs has always “just had a baby” and they want to gush over said baby to anyone who will listen. Maybe I’ll bring headphones next time. 

It’s so weird how being in a crowded room can make you feel so alone. Maybe it’s just the “after loss” thing, but it feels like everyone here is just living their lives, and has no idea that Kenley even existed. I obviously don’t expect them to, how could they? Like I’ve said before, it just feels like everyone should know; it feels like I’m wearing a neon sign around my neck that tells the world my daughter died. I feel like an outcast and it’s no ones fault but my own.