Landons kindergarten school list is up; Cue allllll the tears. I can’t believe my little baby boy is going to be in kindergarten. It blows my mind how fast life goes by. When I was a kid it felt like life moved so slowly; the summers felt twice as long as they actually were. 

I don’t want him to grow up. I want to hold him forever and never let him go. But, that’s not possible and he hates to be held these days because he’s “a boy now”. 

I guess it’s extra hard because Kenley was supposed to be here. I imagined him coming home to us and telling us all about his day, and explaining to his sister what he did that day. I saw him running off the bus into my arms with Kenley in my other arm. He would be so excited to see her and give her kisses. He would talk in baby talk to her, in his cute little high pitched baby voice that he speaks to other babies in. 

It was to our time, mine and Kenley’s. We would share our day, and I would be able to soak in my time with her. I just had so many plans for us…and I ache for them to actually happen. I know they never can and never will. That’s what the hardest part is. 

Landon just keeps on getting older, growing up into a little man, and Kenley never gets to take one breath. 

Life is cruel.