When I was pregnant with Landon I had extremely painful issues with my pubic bone, the same with Kenley but a little worse.  It’s a condition called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubic symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. ) and it’s AWFUL.

This pregnancy I have had some random nausea, a little fatigue but for the most part have felt pretty good… Until Sunday. I woke up and could barely stand up straight. I knew the pain was identical to the pain I felt when I had my herniated disc (thank god it wasn’t SPD). I tried to do the stretches  that they taught me at physical therapy in 2013. I wasn’t pregnant when I went at that time, so I was concerned that the stretches wouldn’t be good for the pregnancy. I emailed my MFM and told her what was going on. She suggested going back to the physical therapist, and I agreed. Today, I had my first appointment. I almost didn’t go because from  Sunday to this morning it has slowly been feeling better.

I have been doing the stretches, and doing yoga for pregnancy so I can feel the improvements, but figured I should go anyway just to see what they have to say. I got there  feeling pretty good, and left barely able to walk without wanting to cry. I don’t know what happened between the time I got there and the time I left but damn it. The physical therapist told me that yes, my herniated disc is acting up, but I also have an issue with my sacrum. It’s tilted to one side when I walk, and my ligaments are loose causing me to have an “Unbalanced Sacrum”. Ouch. There is nothing I can do to fix this, but I can do stretches to strengthen my lower abdominal muscles ( thanks c-sections…). So here I am, unable to bend over (per the advice of the PT), not allowed to lift over 5 lbs, not allowed to vacuum, need to sit with ice on my back, then need to apply heat.

Needless to say, Landon is staying with my mother in law tonight because I’m pretty much not going to move. Sigh. I thought I was going to breeze through this pregnancy…should have known better.

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We got the appraisal back on our house. It came in where we need it to, so we are in the process of refinancing! I’m so excited to save money on our mortgage. We need something to just work out for us without bending over backward to make it happen. I feel pretty pumped that we don’t have to pay a mortgage in December.

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Tomorrow will be 10 months since Kenley died. Ten Months. How? How is that even possible? I cannot believe it. Life has started to feel…different? Like my grief is heavy, and still very much present in my every day life, but I feel that I’ve gotten used to her being gone? I don’t know if there is any other way to describe it. Ugh. I just never wanted to be without her, and now I’m slowly learning to live without her…how fucked up.

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I’ve been thinking about the packages I’d like to donate to the Hospital (eventually) and what I want to put in them. I have 2 books that I want to include for sure. When we were at the hospital with Kenley, the nurses gave me a book that at the time seemed to be as big as a freaking encyclopedia. I still have not read the book to this day and I don’t know that I ever will. There are a few other things that I know I want to include, and I just need to look for some good deals for those items. Shane and I both also decided that all the sleepers that were given to us for Kenley, we are going to donate to the hospital as well. The clothes that were hand me downs for Kenley, we are going to donate to a domestic violence shelter or women’s shelter.

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Kenely’s first birthday is coming up…I just can’t believe it. It’s going to be here before we know it because the holidays are right around the corner now. I will write a full blog about this, but, I plan to ask all of you reading, all my IG friends, family, and anyone else to help me create something for her first birthday.

The plan so far is to ask you to take a photo of Kenley’s name written (in any way, on paper, in chalk, in paint, with stones etc whatever) and take a picture to send me. I would love to have them all by her birthday and be able to create a collage for my wall. But, like I said, it’s in the beginning stages so stay tuned for a full post about it.