I feel this way about Shane all the time. I don’t really have much to say but I just needed a minute away from reality, and I find that when I blog. So, even though I’m not saying much, it needed to happen.

 Some days are just so much harder than others. 

I know you don’t read this babe, but I can’t wait for you to come home tonight. I love you and I’m so thankful for you. 


Today I am 18 weeks pregnant. 

Tomorrow we have our detailed anatomy scan at the MFM. 

Kenley’s anatomy scan at a regular OB was NINE MINUTES. (because the machine was ‘on the fritz’– oh yeah? HEY. MAYBE BRING ME BACK WHEN ITS WORKING PROPERLY SO MY BABY GETS THE BEST QUALITY CARE SHE DESERVES. )

This one is scheduled to be 1:15 long. 

I will go to my grave knowing that the ultrasound tech who did Kenley’s scan missed something critical to my daughters survival and that is why she is not here (amongst many other reasons…) 

I have been super anxious all day, and I just now realized why. 

I’m scared something is going to be wrong tomorrow. 

And so it begins

grandparent’s day.

Jesus I can’t even write the title of the post without getting tears in my eyes! I don’t know why, but it breaks my heart.

Landon came home yesterday with a form for Grandparent’s Day happening November 22nd at his school. I knew about it through another little note sent home, but I guess just getting the form hit me hard. Kenley will never have the opportunity to go to Grandparent’s day. Ever. No matter what, it will not happen…because she died. I immediately  started crying when I was reading the form yesterday– I couldn’t help it.

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