So apparently my child should never take a nap again. He spent the night with my mother in law yesterday night, stayed up late and was up early this morning, so he was super tired all day. Well, he napped in the car on the way home, and crawled into my bed crying when we got home and napped for a while longer. 

He goes to bed at 8:30-9pm normally…it’s 10:30 and he’s still wide awake. And some how weaseled Shane into letting him sleep on our floor. 

Yesterday we had a growth ultrasound, and a doctors appointment. I had to to my 1 hr glucose testing as well. I currently have a wicked cold which is kicking my ass and causing me to cough a ton. I barely kept my glucose down because I had a coughing fit and ran to the bathroom. We got the scan started and we’re able to see our little girl. She looked right at us a few times, and I just fell in love. She is measuring 1lb 13oz, and is in the 58th percentile- I was 25w1d. Here she is looking at us, with a little smile on her face. I had to draw this out for my sister to see the face so I figured I would include that for reference too lol. 

We also talked about scheduling our c-section date. Dr.F said she’s ok with March 15th, as that is exactly 37 weeks. We can’t officially schedule it until after the new year, but she said she’s totally ok with it. 

We talked about Kenley and how I was feeling (she always asks how I feel emotionally which I’m thankful for) with her birthday coming up and Christmas right around the corner. She agrees that it’s absolutely ok for me to keep taking my Anti-depressant during the entire pregnancy, and after. I’m pretty sure that has made all the difference for me emotionally. 

Then, I had my 1 hr blood draw for the glucose test AND PASSED! This has never happened. Failed with Landon, Failed with Kenley. I passed and I am SO thankful that it’s one less thing I have to worry about. 

As to be expected, the past few weeks have sucked and I’m pretty sure the next few weeks are going to suck even worse. I am not sure how I am feeling, to be honest. I feel all of the sadness and grief that I normally feel but it’s intensified by Christmas. Yet, in some ways it feels like her birthday is being over shadowed by the holidays. I’m not sure how to explain it; I think my body and mind are working over time to keep me occupied and sane. They are in defense mode to keep me out of my own head for sanity reasons. 

 All I truly know is I miss her, and life should not be the way it is today…she deserved a great life and I am so sad to know I can never give her that. 

I love you sweet girl. I miss you every second of every day. 

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