**Trigger Warning- Ultrasound photos in this post**

I spent the majority of the day cleaning house for tomorrow. Landon’s having his birthday party! Can’t believe we’re celebrating him turning six. Ugh. It gives me all the feels and also makes me a little anxious, I won’t lie. 
My mom and step dad came down today and were here to see Landon get off the bus. It’s nice for them because they love so far away that they never get to see him do the daily things. He was pretty surprised they were here; I told him they weren’t going to be here until around 6pm. 

Tomorrow we’re going to be so busy all day and I’m already stressing out about it. I think I’m just a super anxious person by nature so added with the death of my daughter, and everything else, I’m doomed pretty much. Major family functions will never be the same; I have fully accepted this. 

I can’t help but remember how awful I felt last year at Landon’s party. Kenley had just died like a month earlier and I was in the raw grief/shock stage. It seriously is enough to just knock the wind out of me when I think back to then. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, yes, but it is still just so weird to think about. 

••••••••••

On Thursday we had a growth ultrasound for Alden. I was anxiously looking forward to this for the past 4 weeks; I don’t think I can see her enough. This was such a different feeling ultrasound; I had probably the first pure excitement I’ve felt this entire pregnancy which I consider a HUGE deal. 

The tech told us she had hair! That what made me excited. I asked if she could see, and she went looking for it. When she found it, she showed it to us and I think a part of my heart just melted. She said “wow she has a good amount of hair for 31 weeks!”. 

Swoon. 

The tech also showed us how she was laying inside of me (because I’ve been getting random kicks and seriously wanted to know what was kicking me where). We found out she’s laying like a boomerang! Head down to the right side, butt in my lower left ribs and feet in the lower right ribs 🙂 

That makes perfect sense. 

They say she is in the 87th percentile, and weighing in at a whopping 4lbs 14oz! Almost 5 lbs?!? Yikes. Good thing she’s a c-section! We were so happy to see her. 

We also were able to watch her practice her breathing. Such a beautiful image; I never got to see it with Landon or Kenley. 

Now for some pictures. 

Starting Monday I have biweekly NSTs, so that makes me feel comfortable. I’m hoping she looks amazing and passes all of them with flying colors. I am so ready to have you here, my love. 

We bought a Halo Bassinet yesterday. I’m hoping it’s worth it because holy $$$. 

Even as I type all the happy things having to do with this pregnancy, I cannot help but feel that everything will end the exact same way it did before; how can it not when this is my life now?