I never in a million years thought this would be us. We actually struggled with secondary infertility. We had Landon with zero problems so when we learned of our issues it was a huge shock. 

Most days I blame myself for my infertility issues. What could I have done to change the outcome? If I didn’t have DOR would I have been able to conceive my sweet girl myself and been able to keep her? 

Maybe even both of them? It’s so hard to envision a scenario where I get to have both of my daughters alive and with me. 

Struggling with infertility was awful. We tried naturally for a year with no luck. We then did 5 rounds of clomid which resulted in an ectopic pregnancy on the first round. Clomid is the devil and to add a loss in there was just the cherry on top. 

Then we did 2 femara cycles with no luck. 

Then we did a tamoxifen cycle that was going to be an IUI but we got cancelled. I ended up pregnant and had a chemical pregnancy. 

I did another IUI cycle with my last dose of clomid for life (per my REs recommendations). It didn’t work. 

Then, I was able to talk my doctor into allowing me to use injectable meds and do an IUI. 

This worked. 

On April 26, 2015 I found out I was expecting Kenley. 

Two years have almost passed. Two. About the same amount of time we tried for her has passed. It’s insane. My grief brain does not comprehend time anymore. 

I miss her. I miss her so incredibly bad. 

Anyway, all this to say lend extra support and love to anyone struggling this week. Infertility is awful and if you’ve never been there,you don’t know how dark of a place it truly can be. 

Reach out. Talk about it. Break the silence.