Tomorrow is our 7 year wedding anniversary.

I am usually really good at these things, but this year I forgot to get Shane a card. I’m pretty mad at myself for that. I did manage to get him two gifts, but still…ugh.

Married 7 years.

Together 13 years.

Who would have ever imagined that the month after we got married, we would have conceived Landon naturally!

Who would have ever imagined the pain and suffering that would come after that.

5.8.14 We were in TN with our second pregnancy celebrating.

5.18.14 (this is the day that Shane and I first met back in 2004) we suffered our first miscarriage.

5.8.15 We’re pregnant with Kenley, and in Florida at Harry Potter world…the best vacation of my life. My sweet little nugget tucked inside me, growing away safely.

5.8.16 We are utterly heartbroken and do not celebrate our anniversary at all. But, Shane buys me flowers anyway.

5.8.17 Our sweet rainbow is here and our anniversary is less awful…although I did cry while giving Shane his gifts tonight (he works in the AM).

Why is everything overshadowed?

Anniversary, yep.

Christmas, hell fucking yep.

Just blah. That’s all I can muster sometimes anymore.

Tonight I took a bath with Alden. While I was sitting there, washing her and watching her kick her little legs in the water, I couldn’t help but be overcome with emotions. I remember so vividly taking baths with Kenley inside of me, kicking like crazy. I remember being so excited to take a bath with her when she was on the outside. Sitting there with Alden just hammered home the fact I will never get those moments with Kenley. I love Alden, and seeing her loving the bath made my heart happy, but it is so bittersweet.

Sometimes there is no other way to explain how I feel except Sad.

Some days I just feel sad.