The first holiday that I “came out of the fog” after Kenley died.
She got a Valentine’s Day outfit for Christmas.
I remember sitting on my bed, feeling like I wanted to die. REALLY wanted to die. I felt that I wanted to hurt myself and stop living. It was the only time I really felt that.
I cried and cried and cried. Then I called psychiatrists.
No one had an opening to see me ASAP.
I remember feeling the most hopeless feeling.
I sometimes think back to those days and wonder how I survived. What pulled me through? I’d like to think that it was my strength or my family or whatever, but honestly? I think that back then I was afraid to die.
Life is weird. 4 Valentines Days later and I still have PTSD over this day.
Most people hate it because they are alone…and I guess that’s kind of why I hate it, too.
Just alone in a totally different way.
Happy Valentines Day in the stars, my sweet Kenley. I love you and miss you every second.