I was given a weighted teddy bear from a dear friend from high school. This bear weighed three pounds. In an effort to have a bear that weighed the same as Molly, I bought a shell and a package of rice. In the middle of the produce isle, I carefully weighed rice, fluff and the shell. I am sure people thought I was crazy, but I did not care. I went home and with my children and husband, we created the very first Molly Bear. For the first time in weeks, I was able to sleep holding her. It was then that I knew I had to find a way to help other angel families.

This is a snippet from the creator of the Molly Bears. Molly Bears are weighted teddy bears that are made to be the exact weight of the child you lost. They run strictly on donations, and each bear is $20. The wait list is pretty lengthy, and only opens the 30th of each month. I cannot decide if I would like one or not. 

On one hand I long to feel the weight of Kenley in my arms again; it’s something I think about on the daily. But, on the other hand I’m so scared of feeling that again. I know a bear will not take the place of my daughter, but will it help me? Will it allow me time to hold it, and enjoy what I will never be able to do again? 

Do you have a Molly Bear? If you’re just some random lurker here, and have one or know of someone who does, please share your story with me. Has this bear brought you comfort or does it magnify why you don’t have in your arms? 

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Tonight there are many many fireworks going off around us. I feel like I want to die so empty inside. It’s like every single one I hear is screaming “your daughter is dead!”, “remember that cute outfit you have hanging in her closet?”, “she will never see fireworks with you like you dreamed!”…

For you, my sweet sweet baby girl.

 I miss you every second, of every hour, of every day.