You know when it feels like a perfect storm and everything just crashes and burns all on the same day.

That day was today.

I’m exhausted to start the day off anyway because I’m in the thick of first trimester sickness. Alden is teething so she pretty much does not want to be put down all day. We found out that the furnace issue could be fixed for $2800 (!!!) instead of $6,000 but today, we found out that we actually need to pay $4800 instead. Not fun.

Shane and I have decided that we would like to list our house, and buy land to build our dream home. With this baby on the way, we need another bedroom. We have a few pieces of land in mind that we love so we did some digging into who owned them. I called the front runner’s owner about 3 months ago, and he didn’t seem interested in selling at the time and we weren’t 100% sure we wanted to build at that time either.  So today, I decided I would call him back.

He is an 88 year old farmer. He owns a ton of land in our town, and his home sits on 91 acres of farm land. The piece of land that we are interested in is part of an agriculture plot, but it’s only 6 acres out of the 20 that is parceled off on the auditors website. I called and told him that we had spoken a few months ago and reintroduced myself. I asked if he was interested in hearing an offer from us to which he replied ” I don’t think that I’m interested in selling”. My heart sank. This land that we are interested in is not only a really cool place to build a house, it’s the place that I took Kenley’s “gender reveal” announcement photo. I want that to be a part of my home forever.

He told me about 3 more times that he didn’t want to sell, but I made sure to throw a number at him (mostly because he did ask what we were considering price wise), and told him that we have children, and how much we would love to build a modern farm house up on the land.

I’m going to give him a week to think it over (although, he probably has literally forgotten about our conversation because he needs zero money) and then I think I will call him back. He doesn’t seem to have…feelings? I don’t want to sound rude, but I think he just doesn’t care about my life story, or anything that I say. I’m going to try one more time, I think. I’m going to approach it like we found other land, but I would rather have his. I’m not upping my offer because honestly it is a lot of money, and it’s going to cut into our home budget a lot. I have so many different feelings about it. I thought he might do this, and not agree to sell us the land.

I don’t want to bring up Kenley’s photo because technically I was trespassing on his property, but it makes me wonder if I did mention it if it would tug at his heart strings. I don’t know. I highly doubt it, and it makes me feel like I’m exploiting her. Ugh.

So after he shot me down, we called the second farmer…who also shot me down. He was a lot nicer than the other farmer though, so there’s that….

My grief was also really bad today…I don’t even need to elaborate on that because it’s just the same grief, different day. Some days I just can’t.

I just miss Kenley so so much, and I wish I had all my babies here with me to cuddle.