Anatomy Scan + stuff

I seriously do not know where time is going, but it seems that after Kenley died the end of the year zooms by. Once Landon starts school again, everything just goes super fast. So yesterday was my anatomy scan. I was 18+5, and everything looked great. She was being stubborn though so we have to go back on November 16th for another ultrasound (obviously not complaining). We got to see her little face for a few seconds; the look like skeletons right now, but it was still cute. She also proved to us that she was indeed a female. She showed us her hands and feet, and also her cute little belly.

I cannot believe that there is another baby growing inside my body. While I absolutely will never understand what happened to Kenley, or why we struggled with infertility for so long, I am very impressed that it is growing another human. I am however also terrified that it’s going to be like, eh, screw you, and kill another one of my children.

We are keeping a very close eye on all things again during this pregnancy, so that makes me feel very confident, but I don’t want to feel TOO confident…it’s a catch 22. I feel like if I start to feel confident in this pregnancy, to feel like hey maybe I will bring home this baby TOO, something is going to happen. But, while I keep feeling “meh” about being pregnant again, I am not connecting with her. I don’t know. I don’t really think there is a way that I can “win” right now…and I’m ok with that.

It is what it is…and I just have to accept that.

In other news, my friend has raised a nice little chunk of money from the Lularoe fundraiser, so thank you to anyone who has purchased anything from that! It’s going to help me clear up the last few things we need to purchase so I’m really happy about that. She also has personally bought some sleepers that she will be sending to me when the fundraiser is over, so yay! I just cannot believe that Kenley’s birthday is so close…again. I cannot believe that I should have a 2 year old. It’s insane and my brain literally cannot handle that fact somedays.

Some (most) days I stop and think “how is this my life?” but oddly, it just is…

Last night was trick or treat in our town. Landon was Master Chief from Halo (a game he has never played before in his life….but he liked the way the costume looked lol) and Alden was a pumpkin. I wanted her to be a cute little unicorn, but I procrastinated and put off buying it then of causer it sold out and everyone wanted me to pay like $70 for it on eBay and I was not going to do that. So, yesterday after our appt we went to Target and bought her the pumpkin outfit. She looked SO cute. The little hat smushed her face LOL, but it was still adorable. I felt bad because it was freezing cold, and she would of course rip off mittens, but she wore a blanket pretty well and had a good time I think.

Shane’s been working on his tattoo for Kenley. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it or not on here…but, it’s amazing. The thought and detail he put into it just blows my mind. I love him so much, and I love that he loves our girl just as much as I do and wants to memorialize her in this way. So perfect. He’s had two sessions so far, both of which have been outlines, and shading. His next is in December for the coloring! It’s going to look amazing when it’s all colored (it already does).

We’ve sort of put the house hunt on hold until the spring I think. We found land, then someone bought it the next day, so we had the wind taken from our sails…If we find something, then who knows, but I don’t know that were in a big rush. We have Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kenley’s birthday, Landon’s birthday….the new Baby, then Alden’s first birthday. Needless to say we will have our hands full for a while. I really don’t like the idea of potentially building or buying a house with a newborn, and a brand spankin new 1 year old, but hey that’s the adventure of it all right?…ha.

Landon’s been working on second grade math, and a second grade spelling list at school and he’s doing so great! I am so proud of him; he’s growing up so quickly. He brought home a chapter book from the library and he is so excited to read it. He took it with him on the bus today, and I hope that he enjoys reading it. His teacher does something where she rewards the children for every 500 pages read. Landon is working toward 4,000 pages so he can have 15 minutes of free time at school. I love watching him learn, and it blows my mind that he can read books! Can’t believe he’s growing into this little man…

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